I should be painting, but I can't get out of my bed.
I should be painting, but I can't hold my pen.
I should be painting, but I can't stay awake anymore.
This is something that I tell myself every day for the past month. No, it's not laziness, or depression - I can get over that easily. It's just...
They told me- "go, get some rest Kristina, you are working too hard", "maybe you should go out, or travel somewhere", "Kristina do you sleep?" It all seemed so silly and I would just ignore everything they said, because I knew I can work more, study, do everything. "Sleep is for the weak" and similar stuff were something I'd say every day.
I used to be sick before, but somehow I'd get over it through some time. Few pills, few days of sleep and everything would be alright. "That's how this world works right?" But no.
During my last exams, and even before that, I started feeling changes in mood, energy, and my body. It would get worse the more stress I had on my back, more exams I had, and more work I had. My last blood test was terrifying , and I got scared a bit, so I moved half of my exams to next period (in one month) so I can get enough time to rest. My doctor said I will never be the same again. It will keep coming back. No matter what pills I take, no matter how many times I'll take therapy, it will just keep coming back. Some parts of my body will just ...never work the same again.
Mornings are the worst...I can't hold glass or pen in my hand, or sometimes I can't even get out of my bed. Why did I do this to myself? Why was I so stubborn to think I can conquer the world with just pen and paper? Everyone is made out of glass, and we can all break so easily.
I never wanted to share this with others, but people started noticing, or they would get angry if I didn't answer or time or anything. So here I apologize to everyone who got mad because I didn't pay enough attention to them, or didn't get answers they wanted. I'm sorry, and I'm just tired. There is a reason why I have been so slow with painting and everything, so I really hope you guys understand. I wish I could do more, but I'm trying to rest and relax as much as I can.
And, I would love to know if anyone has some nice recipe for food that is very healthy and gives you a boost up of energy, or excercise. I'll try to change my life a bit.
Thank you everyone, for all support and love you are giving me, a stranger, a ghost on the internet. Thank you.
About commissions - I'll do them every day, little by little.Andraax42
- I'm doing RPG cover- it's kinda urgent so I'm doing this first- base sketch is done and half of coloring. Hope to finish this by the end of this week.arkeis-pokemon
Your commission is done : ) please check your note to see if there is anything that needs to be added.aetheldeviant
I can't wait to start painting Johnathan -that character is well designed and I already have some cool ideas how it might look like. I'll send in sketches soon.
Benjamin Blythe - D&D dragonborn commission
Taiguchi - two characters from FF XIV I hope you are still up for this^^ let me know
Aqua-Spirit22 I'm still holding you this spot in case you want that commission : )
cadefoster still up for those commissions? : )
Kaedegirl can't wait to start with your beautiful commission thank you for all support dear.
And Kiriban teasqoons didn't forget about you : )
I hope you understand the situation. And if waiting is a bit too long I would understand if you want to cancel commission. I'll do my best to work as much as I can and not push too hard. Thank you everyone.